Fanboy Fairy Tale: Little Redhead Riding Hood
by EmmaLennyEddie
Summary: This is just a random parody of Little Red Riding Hood. For those who have read, and/or seen the movie, I think you will enjoy this one-shot!


This is a stupid little fairy tale. Don't worry! It's not all fun and kiddish like Dora or Snow white, or stupid like… I don't know. This is one of a kind!

"Now Kyle, you know Grandma is very sick, right?" Kyle's mother said, putting some things into a basket.

"Uh-huh" replied Kyle with a nod.

"Well, she lives out in the middle of the forest, and no cars can get out there, so I'll need you to walk to Grandma's and give her these groceries" Kyle's mother handed the heavy basket to Kyle, who struggled to hold it with its huge weight.

"Ugh, Mom, what the heck is in this, a rhino?" Kyle complained.

Kyle's mother (let's call her Laurene. Ye-haw!) crossed her arms, and said "Kyle, you know rightly that there are no rhinos in Ohio, and that a rhino couldn't fit in that basket"

Kyle rolled his eyes, and pulled on his scarf.

"Hey mom, why does Grandma live in the middle of the forest?" Kyle asked curiously.

Laurene looked at him in surprise, and answered "I'm not sure, Kylie"

Kyle groaned at the use of his stupid nickname, and left the house.

He kicked a pile of snow as he kept walking down the path leading to the forest. It looked dark and creepy, but Kyle entered without hesitation.

Snow drooped from the pine trees surrounding him, and snowflakes gently fell from above the treetops. There was a sense of calm and peace in the forest, and Kyle relaxed. There was something about the forest made him feel slightly nervous though.

He had the weirdest feeling that someone was watching him. It was probably just a bird or a squirrel, or some other creature, but still, something made him feel…..awkward.

He continued walking along the snowy path, making footprints in the snow. He turned to look at the path, and then realized something.

He was lost.

"Oh sheep-shank, were do I go now?" panicked Kyle, worried that he might be lost in the forest for a long time, I mean, the forest was **huge**!

He tried to find any familiar landmarks, but the snow was falling down fast. He couldn't even see his past footprints!

"Hello! Is anyone out here?" He called, but only his echo replied. He was all alone.

He tried going down a steep hill path, but ended up falling and sliding down it on his ass. Great, now he was stuck at the bottom of a hill and he couldn't get up.

Then, he heard crunching footsteps. Kyle felt scared, and yet relieved that he wasn't alone.

The footsteps got louder, and a silver-haired boy approached him.

"So, I'm guessing zat you're ah lost, and need directions" He said, as if he'd read Kyle's mind.

"Yeah, do you know if anyone lives out here? My mom sent me to give these groceries to my grandma who lives out here, but I got lost" Kyle replied.

The boy thought for a second, and answered "Ah yes, Mrs. Blood-worth Thomason! I know her! Just follow zat path over zhere, and don't stray off eet, and you'll be zhere! Oh, and let me introduce myself, I'm Sigmund."

Sigmund flashed a mischievous grin and held out his hand for Kyle to shake.

"Thanks, and my name's Kyle" said Kyle, shaking Sigmund's hand.

"Zhou vouldn't happen to 'ave any roast chicken in zat basket, vould you?" asked Sigmund, looking hungrily at the basket.

"I do, but I can't give you any, sorry. My mom would take a physco if she finds out I gave food to a stranger" Kyle said apologetically.

"Ok then, zat's OK. By ze way, zat path over zhere vill take zhou to your grandma's loads quicker" Sigmund said, pointing to another path.

"Thanks dude," said Kyle, heading off to the other path.

"Well, I'll get zhose roast chickens, no matter vhat!" muttered Sigmund, grinning evilly, as he took the short cut Kyle was supposed to take.

Sigmund laughed when he thought of Kyle's face when he realized that his path wasn't so short at all.

Sigmund kept walking along the snowy path, until he reached a tiny cottage, which looked like it belonged to some fairy-tale.

"Hello Mrs. Blood-worth Thomason!" called Sigmund, as he entered the cottage, and pulled out his pocket knife.

Mrs. Blood-worth Thomason lay perfectly still in bed. Her wrinkled skin was deathly pale, and her eyes were shut.

Sigmund tiptoed over to her, and checked her pulse.

"Holy SHIZA, she's alveady dead! Vell, saves me doing it" exclaimed Sigmund.

He slung the frail old woman over his shoulder and stuffed her corpse in the cupboard.

Then, he snuggled into the cosy bed, pulled the covers over his head, and held his knife carefully in his hand, waiting for Kyle to arrive with the roast chicken. He drooled at the thought of his favorite food.

**()()()()()()()()()()()() (^-_ ^)**

"God, this was a shortcut?" thought Kyle, as he stumbled through the long rocky path. How long had he been walking? It had to be half an hour at least.

Then, in the far distance, Kyle saw a small puff of smoke. His hopes built up, and he charged towards the smoke, almost slipping on the snow several times.

Soon, he found himself standing outside his grandma's cottage.

"Grandma, it's me, Kyle" He whispered softly, opening the door.

Inside, he found a large lump under the covers of his grandma's bed. He set the basket on the table, relieved to let go of the weight. Then, he went over to his sleeping Grandma, and shook her gently on the shoulder.

He pulled the blankets down a bit, and yelped out in fear as Sigmund sprang at him, with a gleaming knife.

"S-Sigmund? What the heck are you doing here? Where's Grandma?" asked a panicked Kyle, backing away from Sigmund.

"I 'ave come for my roast chicken, Kyle" hissed Sigmund wickedly.

Kyle gasped. "Sigmund? Where-?"

"Shut up!"

Kyle ran to the basket, got the roast chicken, and threw it at Sigmund.

"W-what did you do to Grandma?" Kyle said, eying the knife in worry.

"Vell Kyle, I shall show zhou" said Sigmund, pulling Kyle over to the closet.

Sigmund flung it open, and Kyle stared in shock at his grandma's corpse. He instantly burst into tears, but Sigmund didn't care. He just pushed Kyle into the closet and shut the door.

Kyle, in shock and panic, just stayed still for a while. This gave Sigmund just enough time to barricade the closet door with all types of furniture, leaving a frightened Kyle inside.

Satisfied, Sigmund left the house with the roast chicken.

Kyle whimpered in fear. He was trapped in a dark closet with his dead grandma, how could he not? Was Sigmund just gonna leave him here to starve to death?

He hoped not.

"Hello? Is anyone out there? Help me, please!" yelled Kyle, but his screams were unheard…

**()()()()()()()()()()()()**

Fanboy sighed as he chucked another load of sticks into his sack. His dad had decided to be an 'eco legend', and wanted to power the house with only firewood, so poor Fanboy had to collect it from the woods.

As he decided to go home, he heard frightened cries. The voice! It was so….familiar…

Out of curiosity, Fanboy went to investigate. He followed the screams to a little cottage, with the door left wide open. He went inside, to find a range of furniture surrounding a closet.

"H...hello? Who's there?" asked Kyle. Fanboy instantly recognized the voice.

"KYLE! Holy cow! Kyle, what happened?" shouted Fanboy. He began to push the furniture away.

"Erm, I was bringing groceries to my Grandma, and this guy called Sigmund gave me directions, coz I was lost, but when I got here, he killed my grandma, shut me in here and ran off with the roast chicken!" cried Kyle.

Fanboy raised an eyebrow in confusion. Sigmund _killed _someone just for roast chicken? That was…so wrong on so many levels.

Pushing away a cabinet, Fanboy opened the closet, and Kyle tumbled out, but was luckily caught by Fanboy.

"Thanks," He said, getting up. Kyle looked at his Grandma's corpse. He was never really close to her, but now she was dead, he wished he'd spent more time with her.

"C'mon Kyle, let's get you home" Fanboy said, putting his arm around Kyle.

They walked through the dense forest, until they got back to the neighborhood.

Fanboy and Kyle went into Kyle's house, and explained what had happened to Laurene. Laurene called the police, and they searched for Sigmund.

They found him eventually, dead, in the middle of the forest. He'd choked on a chicken bone. How ironic.

And so folks, that's the end of this stupid little fairy-tale!

David Horbsy looked at Nika Futterman and she looked at Jamie Kennedy.

"God, that's a shitty episode" Said David, tossing the story into the waste paper basket.

"Yea, I agree. Let's go get a McDonalds!" said Nika.

And then, David, Nika, and Jamie went to McDonalds to get Mc Flurries.

**Hope you enjoyed it! Please review!**


End file.
